I've been having problems Getting up in the morning Nothing's the same without you I've been feeling nauseous I'm running out of options I don't know what to do I wanna disintegrate, like I was never even here in the first place. I've gone missing From my family and my friends I haven't eaten a single thing How do I wake up? When I haven't gone to sleep You told me that you cared I wanna disintegrate, like I was never even here in the first place.

The room is getting colder So I grab another sheet This keeps on repeating Til I'm buried underneath I don't wanna get up I think I'm good right here I feel like I'm stuck but that's probably just fear I'm never getting tired again No more hospital beds No more worrying friends My new life is about to begin Days are getting tough When you didn't even sleep Not the sleep that you want Not the sleep that you need I spend all the night Worrying that you're okay Hoping everything's alright Hoping that you'll stay I'm never getting tired again No more hospital beds No more worrying friends My new life is about to begin The room is getting colder So I grab another sheet This keeps on repeating Til I'm buried underneath The room is getting colder So I grab another sheet This keeps on repeating Til I'm buried underneath (I'm never getting tired again)

I've been waiting for a long time At any moment I could find the love of my life I'm talking crazy, I'm off my rocker It's in my DNA, what a shocker Find me in the grocery isle Buying ramen and looking vile I'm so excited for what comes next Will I be dead when I'm 26? The clock is ticking, it's getting closer To the moment my life's over That I wasted- who fucking cares Find me in the grocery isle Buying ramen and looking vile I'm so excited for what comes next Will I be dead when I'm 26? My chain wallet (is so sick) My ripped jeans (are so sick) My shark tooth (is so sick) I guess I'm so sick

Sometimes I feel like it's my fault That I'm not good enough No matter how hard I try I will never cross the line I'm going nowhere. Sometimes I don't know what to do I'll never be enough for you Will I always be alone? Am I just on my own? I'm going nowhere.

I keep spending all my time in the past drained by the pictures on my desk and nothing’s clear to me where I stand and who I wanna be Im just dulled out and wasted a downward spiral im making and as I try to fill the sea and keep this ship from sinking its easy to internalize and put on the act while you draw connections to all the things I lack and December is far away but my December just might be today and this isnt what I wanna be when living becomes more like existing {from Bojack Horseman} (Usually when people ask how I’m doing, the real answer is I’m doing shitty, but I can’t say I’m doing shitty, because I don’t even have a good reason to be doing shitty. So if I say, “I’m doing shitty,” then they say, “Why? What’s wrong?” And I have to be like, “I don’t know, all of it?” So instead, when people ask me how I’m doing, I usually say, “I am doing so great.” But when this girl at the Jack in the Box asked me if I was having an awesome day, I thought, well, today I’m actually allowed to feel shitty, today I have a good reason, so I said to her, “Well, my mom died.” And she immediately burst into tears. So now *I* have to comfort *her*, which is annoying, and meanwhile, there’s a line of people forming behind me, who are all giving me these real judgy looks because I made the Jack in the Box girl cry. And she’s bawling, and she’s saying, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” and I’m like, “It’s fine, it’s fine. I mean, it’s not fine, but, you know, it’s… fine. And I would like to order a Double Jack Meal, and I’ve kinda got somewhere to be, so) dulled out and wasted dulled out and wasted dulled out and wasted dulled out and wasted

you say you gotta look for change its not gonna come for you i've been in this house hear the rain let my roof get doused now im in dorm rooms and moving out loved all my friends i won't see again that thought really kills me maybe i should go to therapy i should tell you when i feel depressed know you're always trying your best i just feel so fucking cruel when did my friends get so cool? guess we're all on drugs now im still too afraid to leave my house want a love that does not require thought but drowns and ignores it feels the same when the droughts in the storms hit unafraid through the fights and annoyance im fine with insanity prefer strokes of color over grey skies meant to text when you left that night "i love you" through teary eyes

you made a promise that you couldn't keep held it deep inside your mind and costed you some sleep you were unstable unable to see straight when every little thing and every word keeps you awake its not like I needed some people to talk to Im used to the feeling of nothing happening, it happened for a year but now life’s starting up again so ill keep on waiting inside of these broken seams maybe Ill stay inside for the rest of my life, or just this week because Im stable or from the outside it seems I can't go outside, or just ease my mind I just wanna dream its not like I needed some people to talk to im used to the feeling of nothing happening, it happened for a year but now life’s starting up again

(hey caleb, i miss you and i wanted to see if you wanted to do homework with me tonight or just cuddle but you're probably asleep so i'll just let you be bye) well that holy cup is running dry she says to me throughout the lies "some truth is found in up above, you're burning down on earth my love" she can't leave to the silent night she says she's gonna stay the night i guess its cold out i guess its warm here i guess i broke down and beached ashore here (that would be nice if you could grace us with your presence i won't cause any conflict your little brother and sister miss you) the hearts that you electrify are dark with booze and sex and lies cause parts of me are hexed in life well hark the herald angel cries he begs of you, he pleads of you glory to the mess you've made glory to the mess you've made here (i didn't do anything bad to them when i was like, in weird mode but i- i just truly need you to be here and i don't really know where you are) prove all things; hold fast what is good and she sings; songs past showed sainthood i've never seen a wolf in sheeps' clothing except you the last you saw i was decomposing saying what on earth could you even do (happy new year! hey kiddo, we were just calling to say happy ne- new year, not birthday, happy new year we love ya hope to see you soon and have a great year buddy bye) {Lyrics from Bedbug} look at all these lilies, there must be fucking hundreds the choruses of frogs, croaking through our car window i think we're leaving or just crossing the country grabbed a couple scrunchies just in case our hair grows long